September 20, 2020

The pain of remembering

#NeverForget #NoToMartialLaw Mohammad Kanda was only thirteen years old when Philippine military forces detained him together with more than 1,500 men at the Tacbil mosque in Malisbong, Palimbang town, Sultan Kudarat province, in September 1974.

The soldiers assured them that it was going to be okay, that the measure was for their own good, that they meant no harm to the people of Palimbang.

It was the height of the Martial Law regime of Ferdinand Marcos.

For more than a month, Mohammad and his companions were cramped inside the mosque and fed mostly thin slices of coconut and green papaya. They drank water boiled with guava leaves. Soldiers would spit and urinate in the water.

“Twice a day the soldiers would bring about a dozen of the men to the nearby beach, ” Mohammad remembers. “The daily excursion was followed by gunfire and the men never to be seen again.”

After a month, Mohammad and about 100 men were transferred to a mosque in Baliango, still in Palimbang, where they were tortured and interrogated by the military. About a dozen were killed, those who were deemed uncooperative and those suspected to be related to Moro rebels.

Later Mohammad discovered that only the group that went to Baliango survived. More than a thousand men were massacred in Malisbong, their skeletal remains slowly emerging from shallow graves along the beach as tides swelled in the succeeding months.

Mohammad's story is part of my documentary Forbidden Memory which Reckless Natarajan Pictures produced for Cinema One Originals in 2016.

August 29, 2020

Influential films during my formative years

Raise The Red Lantern, Zhang Yimou (1991)

 In an online lecture on improving the filmmaking skills of young Bangsamoro filmmakers two weeks ago, I was asked by an aspiring filmmaker what films were influential to my development as a filmmaker and writer on cinema. There was a deluge of questions and I feel that I was not able to answer this particular inquiry. 

Now pondering on the question I can divide a list of films into two timelines: my formative years from 1994 to 2009 which account for my university days to film school, my first short film to the year before I made my debut feature Limbunan; and my journey as a feature filmmaker and an active writer on cinema from 2010 onwards. For this post I will enumerate the films that helped cement my resolve to enter the world of cinema. I was preparing to become a medical doctor prior to this in fulfillment of a childhood dream.

While attending university in Davao, access to films was limited to what was available on VHS rental, mostly Hollywood flicks and the latest Tagalog flicks, and the films available in the university library like Citizen Kane (Orson Welles, 1941).

It is said that the forbidden is a seductive thing. When the Philippine censors banned The Piano (Jane Campion, 1993) for its nudity, there was an uproar in Manila which consequently lead to the lifting of the ban. Somehow the ban created publicity for the film it upped the curiosity of people leading them to watch it in cinema houses. I saw the film in a standing room only screening and fell in love with it for the performance of its leads (who could forget Holly Hunter's performance when her husband cut off her finger), the lush cinematography and brilliant direction. Later the novelist and poet Danton Remoto gave me a book containing the screenplay of The Piano as a gift.  

Jane Campion, The Piano (1993)

My glimpse of earlier cinematic gems came in 1995 when Mowelfund Film Institute organized the World Cinema Centennial Film Festival in Manila. In the festival I saw what I consider 'The Trifecta', the three films that shook me to core. These were Tokyo Story (Yasujiro Ozu, 1953), 8 ½ (Federico Fellini, 1963) and Death in Venice (Luchino Visconti, 1971). I was enthralled by the slow pace of the films and the philosophical questioning on mortality, beauty and the nature of our own being. 

In 1997 the Cultural Center of the Philippines organized a tour to encourage the formation of Sineklab or film clubs in the regions. The tour screened Bicycle Thieves (Vittorio de Sica, 1948), Raise The Red Lantern (Zhang Yimou, 1991) and Cinema Paradiso (Giuseppe Tornatore, 1988). De Sica's film offered me one of my first lessons in intertextuality as some of the composition in the film were derived from classical paintings. Zhang's film stirred something personal in me. I am familiar with polygamy as my grandfather had many wives. Although back then I was not privy with the jealousy and perhaps a conspiracy of wives to race to the top but it gave me a picture of what could be. Cinema Paradiso on the other hand validated my love for cinema with that end sequence forever haunting me.

The Scent of Green Papaya, Tran Anh Hung (1993)

During that tour I was introduced to Southeast Asian cinema with The Scent of Green Papaya (Tran Anh Hung, 1993). By now I realized that I am drawn to slow films and loved every moment of the film. With its rich visual details from close up of papaya seeds to the slow motion of the camera from one part of the house to another film, it became the visual peg for my debut film many years later. I also saw Happy Together (Wong Kar Wai, 1997) and was hypnotized by its cinematography capturing both longing, desire and alienation. Never before did I realize that sadness can be so beguiling. 

I went to film school in Manila in the summer of 1997. My access to films grew not only from the school library but also to what has become an all-too-important store in Greenhills, a center of film education of some sort, that sold bootleg VHS copies of films. I bought 400 Blows (Francois Truffaut, 1959) that would later introduce me to other French New Wave auteurs, Color Trilogy (Krzysztof Kieslowski, 1993-1994) which expanded my notion of cinematography as well as the moral ambiguity of characters that defied the clearcut distinction between good and evil in standard mainstream flicks, Persona (Ingmar Bergman, 1966) which had a profound effect on me for its exploration of the psychology of characters manifesting in very beautiful and surreal images, and Rashomon (Akira Kurosawa, 1950) which taught me storytelling techniques as well as opened my eye to film criticism.

400 Blows, Francois Truffaut (1959)

As a fan of the late River Phoenix, My Own Private Idaho (Gus Van Sant, 1991) holds a special place for me. Loosely adapted from Shakespeare's Henry IV, it gave me an idea to explore classic literature as a rich source of stories that can be translated to contemporary sensibility. My filmography would be filled with works that have been influenced by literature. 

Billy Elliot (Stephen Daldry, 2000) taught me that no dream is small. Raised in the rustic town of Pagalungan, Maguindanao, I saw my own struggle in Billy, in a town that does not understand the complexity of our desire, anxiety and restlessness to be something else outside of the norm  –be it a ballet dancer or a filmmaker. As Lupita Nyongo said in her Oscar speech, all dreams are valid. Billy Elliot is a testament to the validity of dreams.

I Dont Want To Sleep Alone (Tsai Ming Liang, 2006) showed me how the spectrum of identity and rootedness –from vacillation to being confident in your own skin –is important in becoming what we truly are. 

August 24, 2020

Lessons on creativity and patience from mungbean sprouts


Four days ago I woke up at noon time, a habit I developed since the Philippine government imposed a lockdown all over the country in March to avert the spread of the coronavirus. I suddenly had the craving for lumpia with togue filling. Knowing that togue or mungbean sprouts and lumpia wrapper were not available at the nearest grocery store, and that I was prohibited from venturing downtown due to the barangay clustering scheme that our city government put in place, I rummaged through my kitchen cabinet to look for the next best thing. I found a bag of flour and mungbeans in a jar. Over coffee I Googled “how to grow mungbean sprouts” and managed to do the task in half an hour. I retreated to my home office and started writing entries for my new blog sites. These are writing projects that I started two days earlier in a bid to be productive during the COVID-19 crisis. After all two film projects have been shelved due to the crisis. My creative juices needed to be put in good use.

Yesterday I woke up earlier than usual. I was roused by a phone call from my father who is in our hometown Pagalungan, Maguindanao. He asked me how I was doing. “The summer heat is just too much. But I’m OK. How are you?” I assured him. I’m isolated from the rest of the family since I took residency in General Santos. I want to see my father. But that is impossible in the meantime. From this city I have to pass through two provinces that have imposed total lockdown due to cases of COVID-19. There are checkpoints, and chances are I will be turned away. Only vehicles with essential goods and medical personnel are allowed to pass.

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August 4, 2020

Why are there no writers in the Maguindanaon language

This week an editor inquired if I have any piece of work written in the native language – that is, Tagalog or Maguindanaon – for possible translation and inclusion in an upcoming anthology. I told her that I write in English. 

A couple of months ago, writer Mark Angeles forwarded to me an email from the National Book Development Board regarding the National Book Awards. NBDB was looking for books written in Maguindanaon for consideration in the awards. I told Mark that I could say with absolute certainty that no book written in Maguindanaon has been published in the previous year, and perhaps none ever (unless you consider the 'parukunan' or Muslim prayer manual as one). This got me thinking: Why hasn't any Maguindanaon writer endeavored to write a book in the native tongue? I can only look at my own reasons for preferring English, and not Maguindanaon, for answers.

1. There are only a handful of Moro writers, and ethnic Maguindanaons are just a fraction of an already sad number. Considering the motivation to be read widely, I have chosen English because it is a universal language. We spoke English at home, and read books written in English. My mother forbade us to read Tagalog comics because they were reserved for the servants. There were no books written in Maguindanaon so I learned by observing the language as it was spoken by friends and family members, especially my grandmother.

2. Maguindanaon lacks a standard orthography. "What is that?" can be written as "Ngeyn i namba?" but it can also be "Ngin namba?" I prefer the former. Even with the spelling of Maguindanaon there seems to be no agreement. Maguindanaon? Magindanon? Magindanawn? Maguindanon?

3. The different Maguindanaon dialects can also be problematic. As tao sa laya or 'people from the upstream' referring to people inhabiting areas inward and far from the coast, my vocabulary is different from the tao sa ilud or those in the coastal areas. "Endaw ka pebpawang?" which translates to "Where are you going?" is laya specific. Ilud variation would be written as "Endaw ka bagangay?" Because of this, within the Maguindanaon readership, the number of possible readers of a text written in a particular dialect can become even smaller.

4. Literary language is difficult to study as there is little access to the vocabulary and techniques of Maguindanaon literary forms like the bayok, or to an extent, the dayunday. Old folks who have knowledge of literary language are either dead, senile or dying.

5. How do you find a publisher? Publishing houses have language preferences, and even regional publishers would think twice before publishing a book with a very limited audience. Self-publishing can be explored but what subjects to write about and what genre, how much printing costs and how many people are willing to buy a book should also be considered.

6. How do you find readers? Most readers now prefer English or Tagalog, if anyone still reads. Maguindanaon has been reduced to utilitarian purposes, its potential as a rich literary language unexplored. 

July 12, 2020

My humble beginnings in cinema

Today I commemorate a decade since the world premiere of my first feature film Limbunan (Bridal Quarter) at the Cinemalaya Philippine Independent Film Festival in 2010. While it was a celebration of my directorial debut, it took a journey of twelve years to reach that point and cement my grounding as a filmmaker.

I had my humble beginnings in my 22-year career in cinema. Right after finishing a 16mm film workshop at the Mowelfund Film Insitute in 1997 where I specialized in art direction, I landed a job as wardrobe master for the late Judy Lou de Pio's art department. My first assignment was a Regal Films project entitled Lumay Sa Siquijor (alternate title Apoy ng Lumay) written by Raquel Villavicencio and directed by the late Mario J. De los Reyes. It starred Ara Mina, Gary Estrada, Jaclyn Jose and Chinchin Gutierrez. It was supposed to be the launching film of one of Zoltan Amore, one of Direk Mario's talents. This was in 1998, heydays of ST (sexually titillating films), so naturally the film had steamy sex scenes.

Aside from being in charge of the wardrobe of the actors, I was also assigned the delicate task of preparing and installing 'plaster'. Plaster, as it was called in the industry, was a layer of gauze and Leukoplast adhesive tape that was placed in the genital area of actors to prevent any mishap. Leukoplast was the tape of plaster of choice because it mimics natural skin tone so it was virtually invisible. Preparing the plaster entailed making an estimate of the size of the crotch area. Some actors would allow me to take measurements for precision. Before installing the plaster, I had to ask the actors to pee first because they had to wear it until the scenes that required it were finished. This could last many hours usually until the wee hours of the morning. Replacing the plaster if an actor had bladder issues was quite a hassle. But the hardest part was the removal process. Because the plaster usually stuck to the pubic hair, I had to be careful. The trick was to moisten the plaster with a mix of water and alcohol to loosen the adhesive to prevent unwanted pain.

The plaster was not exclusive to male actors. Female actors were also required to have them. So even if they engage in stimulate sex scenes, there was a barrier to protect them. If the director chose a butt exposure, having the plaster was an ideal setup because the derriere remained exposed in contrast to actors wearing skin tone colored underwear or stockings.

Unfortunately Lumay Sa Siquijor was shelved because of the rising cost of production. Direk Mario passed away a few years ago.

After this project, I worked under the art department of Martin Littaua as substitute wardrobe master for ABS-CBN's Tabing Ilog, then Manny Santos for two episodes for GMA Telesine, and the late Joey Luna for his various films. I learned how to be meticulous in production design from all of them which I utilized in my own films. As a result, two of my films have been nominated for achievement in production design at the Gawad Urian (Limbunan, 2011 and Qiyamah, 2013) and achievement in visual design at the Young Critics Circle Citation for Distinguished Achievement in Film (Qiyamah, 2013).

June 18, 2020

Street art across the globe

Street art (sometimes graffiti art or independent public art) has garnered legitimacy in the art world recently thanks to Banksy whose art works have appeared in various cities across the globe. His art works have become so phenomenal that websites and online chat group devoted to hunters of possible sightings have also sprouted. They have become valuable as well; private art collectors have shelled out hundreds of thousands of dollars in the art market to have a Banksy, which for art critics and observers, is an anthesis of what street art should be - free and accessible to the public. This is not to say this type of art can't be lucrative. Many graffiti artists, including the late Jean Michel Basquiat, have graduated to gallery exhibitions, making a name for themselves in the art world. 

Street art has spawned a sub/culture and has been a topic of debate especially with regards to its place in the oftentimes snooty art world. A reflection of resistance to norms and the establishment, it is associated with protest movements. As such, authorities have regarded it as a public nuisance, a disturbance in the status quo, and have reduced it to vandalism, a destruction of public property, an aberation from the normal urban landscape. Nonetheless, it continues to thrive. It will remain a part of the city life for as long as there is a need for its critical nature.

In my trips to many cities, I've encountered many street and graffiti art that have caught my eye.

In Warsaw, for instance, protest takes the form of graffiti art. As resistance is embedded in the gene of street art, large art works are made in large buildings criticizing government policies such as increased militarization. 

Another street art in Warsaw, made in the entry gate of a grocery, features animals and bananas, that provides an attraction for buyers and passersby.

Georgetown, in Penang, is known as a haven for gastronomy, local culture and art. It is not unusual to find street art on the plaster walls of the old city. 

Street art also celebrates the achievement of Georgetown's native citizens. For instance, a street art marks the spot where international shoe designer Jimmy Choo had his humble beginnings.

In downtown Brisbane, I stumbled upon this street art that interprets Frida Kahlo as an icon in a game card.

In a mall in Manila, this art work though technically not a street art, is featured on the wall of a famous stationery store.

In Tokyo's Shinjuku District, Hello Kitty is deconstructed to illustrate various moods and expressions, perhaps a criticism to the cosmeticism that the popular cultural icon provides, hiding the many problems of Japan via its cute and lovable imagery.

Another Shinjuku work is self-reflexive announcing itself for what it is - street art.

In Jakarta, the all-seeing eye is rendered in a style that is iconic to the street art scene painted by skaters armed with a bottle of spray paint.

June 17, 2020

The business of fear

Serpentine creatures abound in many cultures. (Photo courtesy of Mythology Wiki)

It has been theorized that during a period of political turmoil, diversion in the form of the supernatural and the macabre abound so that citizens lose focus on the real problem at hand. That's why in recent weeks, news of aswang (evil creatures usually capable of flight) sightings have been reported in the Philippines to divert public attention from the government's mishandling of the COVID-19 pandemic.

While walking to the fish market, I thought of the many public scare or fear mongering that has caused panic in Maguindanaon communities for as long as I can remember. In the 1970s, the ilaga scare was rampant for good reason. There have been massacres of Moro civilians, for instance, the 1971 Manili massacre in Carmen, Cotabato province, and elsewhere which were perpetuated by a the ILAGA (Visayan term for 'rats', acronym for Ilonggo Land Grabbers Association), an ultra-right wing extremist, pro-government paramilitary group composed of settlers mostly from Panay Island.

Growing up in Pagalungan, in the 1980s, the story of a deranged woman who ate her children similar to the infamous Maria Labo story of Panay Island made the rounds. Parents had to keep an eye on children lest they be abducted by this character.

There has been health scare too, fueled by deep superstition. For instance, the hepatitis epidemic was believed to have been caused by water elementals. The solution was a ritual called guana or ipat.

When the a political dynasty rose to power in Maguindanao, talking about them, especially in the pejorative manner, was done in hushed tone, otherwise one can suffer the brute force of the family. The methods of killing, they said, ranged from the usual gun sustained wound to being stabbed multiple times using a barbecue stick, or being flattened by a road roller (pison).

There is one public scare that I remember vividly in the late 1980s, and that was the reported introduction of the invasive snakehead fish species to our waters. They were originally from China. The public scare gained a monumental level people avoided bodies of water from canals to rivers. People refrained from eating mudfish or catfish thinking that cross breeding with the snakehead fish might have occurred. According to rumor, isnek pis, as locals called them, were venomous they could kill faster than a cobra. Furthermore, the fish can walk on land. It was talk of the town for months. Soon, when scientific fact was established, it was known that snakehead fish tend to avoid human contact and accounts of attack were limited to instances when nests have been disturbed. Debunking the belief that it was more snake than fish, a sort of chimera, it was found out that they didn't possess venom. The scare might have died down but I will always remember the public hysteria. However, it continues to invade the waters of North America threatening indigenous species.

June 15, 2020

Archipelago of stars

I have received a few messages on Facebook inquiring about my biography and the origins of my writing life. These came from teachers who are teaching 21st Century Writing in the Philippines to high school students. I have pointed them to the About section of this blog for my biography. For notes on my writing life, I am publishing here once more my essay Archipelago of Stars which became the titular piece of my book of essays released in 2016. 

“HOW CAN I BECOME A (GOOD) WRITER?” is probably one of the trickiest questions that I have been asked in my life. “Are writers born or made?” ranks closely in second place. The first question denotes the existence of a step-by-step procedure similar to, say, gourmet cuisine, guiding the novice through a logical sequence of actions from mincing and chopping, to sautĂ©ing and flambĂ©ing, and then continuing to the delicate art of plate presentation. Meanwhile, the second question implies the role of genetics, or the difference one brand of infant formula milk makes in the development of a would-be writer.

I never considered becoming a writer when I was growing up. There was no oracle foretelling what I’d end up to be, although soothsayers have always been inclined to say that I was bound to do great things. I’m okay with the thought, for as long as it doesn’t entail death by firing squad or hanging like most of the great people I encountered in grade school history lessons. I get embarrassed when I’m asked, “What do you do for a living?” I don’t want to be presumptuous by announcing, “I’m a writer.” Then again it’s a more pleasant thing to say compared to admitting that I’m a bum most of the time.

Until recently, when I was asked to speak in a writing workshop, I haven’t bothered tracing the origins of my writing life.

Like many children I dreamed of becoming a doctor. When I was five years old I showed an intense fascination with the doctors who looked esteemed in their starched, antiseptic white gowns as they attended to my paralyzed grandfather. However, my mother was so opposed to the idea that she announced it right there and then that she would not hear of me wanting to become a doctor.

“Why?” I asked innocently.

“I said no, and that’s it!” My mother ordered with a finality of a Supreme Court ruling.

I never mentioned my silly dream of becoming a doctor to her again, although I learned later that she went to medical school herself but was kicked out on her third year because she went on an extended vacation in Europe, and did not bother filing a leave of absence from school.  My pursuit of a career in medicine became a clandestine operation only a circle of cousins, classmates, friends, and teachers shared.

Perhaps realizing that her fatwa would do more harm than good my mother placated me by constantly giving me books. Henceforth I always looked forward to the arrival of a new Dr. Seuss title with a fanfare of a parade on Mulberry Street. Soon after my father brought home a large crate containing Arthur Mee’s Children’s Encyclopedia.

Back then my father came home to Pagalungan during weekends because he worked in Cotabato, a city ninety minutes away. On late Friday afternoons my siblings and I, together with our white shih tzu Commander waited patiently for him in our front porch. Going over a thick edition of an illustrated Readers Digest Children’s Story Encyclopedia, we picked the stories we wanted our father to read for the Saturday.  An exercise that was something far from being peaceful.

“I’m the kaka so I should be the one picking the story,” I invoked my firstborn privilege.  “I’m the youngest,” Farah appealed to our good side, “and I’m Papa’s little girl.” Anwar would use brute force by pulling Farah’s hair. He was a boy who realized early on that, in very select instances, words have their limitations.

Invectives were hurled. A kick here. A punch there. More hair-pulling ensued. A bucket of tears spilled. Amid the fracas, there was a common understanding among us, an early evidence of enlightened diplomacy. The book, like a sacred relic, must, at all times, be spared from the conflict. Commander never took sides. He played the important role of barking repeatedly until our step grandmother, realizing that there was a commotion, pacified us with threats of a lashing.

With bruised egos and butts still hurting from the beating inflicted a day earlier, we huddled around our father as soon as we were done with our Saturday brunches. He read stories with passion. He was an animated storyteller. We cheered Raja Indarapatra when he victoriously slew the monster Kurita.  We were soaked in the spray of ocean as Old Stormalong battled the Octopus. I adored my father, and, in silence asked myself: Will I become a good storyteller like him when I grow up?

I was raised with a well-stacked library filled with Tagore, Shakespeare, Dickens, Homer, Voltaire, Dostoevsky, and, surprisingly, a Blakely St. James with pages stuck together by what I presumed later in life –when I was old enough to know what the f-word was— as dried bodily fluid. I think that early on my writing life was already taking shape with the steady speed of termites feasting on a narra tree.  My ustadz said that in Islam nothing is coincidence. Everything is decided by the will of Allah. “Even before all of us were born, the wheels of fortune had already been set in motion,” he declared. His fatalism would answer the question, ‘Are writers born or made?’ Debating on the merits of being weaned on Promil or am is immaterial since our fate had been decided for us.

I was already poring over the pages of Berenstein Bears before I could recognize my ABCs. Nothing special. Every kid has done it. In Walter Salles’s Behind the Sun, which is set in the Brazilian heartland much more rustic than my hometown, there’s a memorable scene of the young boy Paco ‘reading’ the pictures of a storybook that is given to him by a gypsy. It is of no consequence to him if he cannot make sense of the words in the book. He creates his own fantastic, yet coherent story out of the pictures.

Imagination is the writer’s chief weapon. But if all human beings have the faculty to imagine, what sets the writer apart from the rest?

I cannot claim to be an expert in English – the language I use to write ninety percent of the time. Neither can I profess the same with Filipino or Maguindanaon. I was too young when I was uprooted from my hometown to study in the city, long before I could learn the complex literary style of the bayok. The way I use Filipino borrows much from the conventions of Cebuano, the predominant language spoken in Mindanao. I would write “Gikain” rather than “Kinain.” Both words are in the past tense, which means, “Ate.”

I was not an exceptional student, but I belonged to the honors class. The only time I got an award in grade school was in a Spelling Bee contest. That was in first grade.  Lessons on the parts of speech induced me to a stupor. I couldn’t differentiate an adverb from an adjective. Worse I associated gerund to a type of a shrub, the variety which you dry the leaves and store them in transparent antique bottles that sat nicely on your mother’s cupboard, sandwiched between cinnamon and thyme.  My fourth grade teacher resigned to the fact that I was hopeless, an opinion that changed every time she read my theme-writing notebook. “You write well,” she would declare. To me that was more important than determining whether a clause was independent or not.

In freshman high school our teacher –with that ridiculous faux New Yorker accent of his— mistook English for a class in stenography. At the end of the school year, he asked us to present him a complete transcript of his lessons before he signed our clearance form. I was too lazy to write down notes. Alain, a classmate who also shared my lack of enthusiasm for longhand exercises, had to buy a large notebook, borrowed notes from a few classmates, and copied them page by page like a sage rewriting the Torah on fresh parchment. Meanwhile, I retreated to a quiet corner of the school library every afternoon, and, with a black Kilometrico ballpen, mastered the slightest arcs of my teacher’s signature.

The onset of puberty and nationalistic fervor brought about by the triumph of a Filipino popular singer in a Hong Kong singing competition might have sparked my hormones to do their job because things got better in my sophomore year. I performed well in class, landing a spot in the Top 10. English was no longer confined to the boring dissection of the moronic and the oxymoronic. We studied World Literature, and since I was enrolled in an all-boys high school I was asked to portray Sita in a dramatic performance of Ramayana.

With my newfound confidence I joined a school essay-writing contest. Proclaimed first prizewinner I climbed on stage to receive my medallion, but the teacher in charge of the contest refused to give me my prize. “There must be a mistake,” she mumbled. “Would you mind waiting downstage for a while?” She scrutinized the tally sheet. Everything was perfectly okay. Still she wouldn’t give me the medallion. A sophomore beating three seniors and two juniors who were supposed to be on top of their classes was unthinkable. After five minutes, when all my humanity had been vaporized, she called me again, this time with total certainty in her voice, that I was the winner. Even the finest coffee emerges into the world via the indignity of cat dung.

Despite my initial success in writing I didn’t forget that I wanted to be a doctor. In college I took Nursing as a preparatory course for Medicine, but I shifted to Biology the following year. I became editor of the student publication. I confess that I was not a good student. I became a student activist, armed with the strong belief that real education was achieved by understanding the struggle of the toiling peasants and the working class.  I once wrote in my journal, “Do not let schooling interfere with your learning.”

In another year I shifted to Communication Arts. It was not because I wanted to pursue writing seriously. It was the magic of filmmaking that enthralled me. In the dark and empty theaters of Megamall, I fell in love with Fellini and Ozu in a film festival.

During the summer before my junior year, my dream of becoming a doctor –an act of defiance that had been nurtured since childhood— was once and for all thrown off course. It would take several years for me to realize that filmmaking was just an extension of my writing. Writing not with words, but with images, in the true spirit of the camera stylo that Jean Cocteau envisioned filmmakers to aspire for.

If writing were a curse, it’s much deadlier than Aveda Kedavra! As a novice asking the question, “How can I become a (good) writer?” is only a small peek into the pensieve. One fundamental question that needs answering is, “Are you prepared for the writing life?”

In two decades of writing –well, half of the time I was merely doodling—I’ve learned a lesson or two, struggling to be alive in a culture that treats writing as frivolous as fine arts i.e. painting. People will either love or crucify you for your writing. You can thank them for their appreciation, but you must keep an open mind about criticism. Listening to critics doesn’t mean kowtowing to their tastes. If at first you don’t succeed –in getting your work published or winning a literary contest— then you can try again. Writing doesn’t guarantee a luxurious summer holiday in Ibiza, except maybe if you land a contract to write textbooks. Some writers have day jobs as teachers or NGO workers, while others are lucky enough to be writing for newspapers and magazines on a regular basis. The income though is never sufficient so they accept raket on the side. Most people have no respect for the writing process, unless you share a National Artist’s gene pool. People hardly understand why you need to lock yourself up in your room for days, foregoing meals and baths. They will suspect that you’re either on drugs or have developed a proclivity for incessant wanking. Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “I am writing.” It’s no good. It’s not a worthwhile pursuit compared to slaving in an office from eight to five, the way society defines what an employee should be. In mid sentence you will be called to wash the dishes, or “to be useful in the house.” Sometimes when I’m confronted with a similar situation I wonder: If I became a surgeon, will people treat my work the same way? Will I be asked to put the scalpel down in the middle of a delicate brain surgery because I need to throw out the garbage?

Writing is a solitary experience. Even if you’re stuck at JFK or in the middle of an EDSA X rally, writing is a process that is done by turning your back from the world for a while. Yet deep within your soul, you know that you must be certain that your words can connect to people. You can read all the writing self-help books, but in the end it all boils down to you alone. A little bit of patience and humility will keep you afloat during the most trying times. Because like it or not, not all writers are destined to become literary giants. But that doesn’t mean you cannot taunt the establishment for being elitist, stupid, medieval, vampiric, and incestuous. You can even accuse them of patronage literature, that homoerotic pat on the backside, the pederasty.

In 2007, my first book Children of the Ever-Changing Moon was published. The response I got from readers was generally positive. My favorite review came from a respected Moro leader. Borrowing words from the Khaled Hosseini’s novel The Kite Runner, he said, “You are like tourists in your own country.” All the writers in the little anthology were still grappling with cultural identities. Now publicly acknowledged as a “writer”, at least in my own community, I’m anxious about complacency, not writing enough, and lately, not writing good enough. Should I write what I like and feel strongly about? That’s easy. Or should my writing be representative of my people? A tall order. Realizing that spontaneity is one of my strongest traits, I tell myself to just let the words flow in the spaces between light and shadow, and weave tales out of an archipelago of stars.

It has been an exciting adventure, and I am still the same —“a tourist in my own country.” But now I have the keen awareness that the process of writing is nothing but a surgery of words –suturing loose thoughts, incising ideas to reveal new images, a laparotomy to explore hidden meanings and connections.

I have become a doctor of words.

— Gutierrez Mangansakan II

June 6, 2020

Lockdown reading list

I have a confession to make. I have not been reading novels lately. The last novel I read was We The Animals by Justin Torres. This was three years ago, in September 2017. Torres' language possesses a clarity and fluidity; it is remarkable for its elegant simplicity. It didn't read like a tedious novel. It was like reading personal essays, each chapter a story of its own that didn't require the reader to jump to the following chapter immediately to find out what happens next. I paused for a long while after reading a chapter, and recalling my own childhood, I took in the vivid tales of growing up years eloquently told. Today I learned that We The Animals was adapted into a film by Jeremiah Zagar, premiering at Sundance in 2018.

This does not mean that there is a scarcity of books. Since 2016, I have amassed quite a number of books that I found on trips to Penang, Brisbane, Berlin and Manila. I still prefer the physical book to the digital version. The titles include Salman Rushdie's Two Years Eight Months and Twenty-Eight Nights, David Foster Wallace's Both Flesh And Not, Italo Calvino's Invisible Cities, Alan Hollinghurst's A Stranger's Child, Thomas Bernhard's Correction, Umberto Eco's The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana, Ernest Hemingway's A Moveable Feast, several film books on black cinema and Francois Truffaut, Henry Kamen' Empire: How Spain Became a World Power, 1492-1763, and a few translation of Malaysian classics. Prior to the past two Christmases, I planned to read the books while on holiday but spontaneous invitations to hang out with visiting friends or relatives had prevented me. With a busy schedule throughout the year, I managed to read Kamen's superbly written book last year as a reference for a screenplay I was writing set during the Spanish colonial occupation of the Philippines.

I declared a moratorium on buying books until such time that I have read at least half of my book haul. But I confess that this was not easy. One day, during a trip to the mall to buy groceries, I passed by a book store and checked out their stocks. Five minutes later, I purchased Clive Aslet's The English House, a collection of essays on architecture.

The lockdown, as it turned out, afforded me the time to read the books that have been collecting dust on my bookshelf. I started with Early Cinema in Asia, edited by Prof. Nick Deocampo, a film historian and documentary filmmaker from the Philippines. The book is helpful in understanding the beginnings of cinema and how it was brought to the Philippine shores during the American colonial period, parallel to the British occupation in Malaya, the French in Vietnam and the Dutch in Indonesia. Tracing the history of cinema is important as the Philippines celebrated the centenary of its cinema in 2019.

Next on the reading list was Faith in Writing: Forty Years of Essays by Goenawan Mohamad. The essays which originated from a column that Mohamad wrote for an Indonesian paper provides an overview of the changes in the social, political and cultural landscape of Indonesia, from the authoritarian regime of Soeharto to reformasi and the democratic transition, offering a lucid and insightful observation into one of the most exciting upheavals in modern history.

Last night I finished The Thing Around Your Neck, a collection of short stories by Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. The stories resonate to a generation raised in war, violence and poverty, drifting away from home in search of a better life.

I think I can still manage with a book or two, so I will begin reading Both Flesh And Not before life gets in the way again.

May 26, 2020

Life skills children can learn this year

This photo of a rice pounder in Bandung, Indonesia (1908) is reminiscent of the rice pounding tradition of the Moro people, particularly the Maguindanaon, because of the affinity of our cultures. (Photo courtesy of Wikipedia)
A few months into second grade at the JASMS - Philippine Women's College in Davao, a circumstance forced me and my siblings to stop going to school that year and returned to our hometown in Pagalungan, Maguindanao. I was six years old then. I am remembering this now after reading about parents planning to let their children skip school for a year because of apprehensions caused by the pandemic. Little did I know, as I was writing this post last night, President Rodrigo Duterte had a television address saying that he was opposed to the opening of classes without a vaccine.

Although there was no emergency of any kind back then, with the situation that school children and their parents face right now, being out of school does not necessarily mean time wasted. They can put their tablets and PSPs away. In the meantime this is a time for kids to learn life skills - from the basics of cooking or something more complex like baking, how to start a fire when you run out of LPG, or how to quarter or chop a chicken which is a skill I haven't mastered after three decades. Sure, they can search Youtube for these seemingly mundane tasks but one is never too prepared when the practical need arises. It will also be soul nurturing for children to look back to this learning experience, finding meaning in the particular memory, that can be life enriching. 

While we were in Pagalungan, and later in my father's hometown of Paidu Pulangi, in neighboring Pikit, we learned some life skills that I'm thankful for until today. Here are a few memorable learning experience.

Planting corn. In front of our house in Pagalungan is a patch of land that we cultivated by planting corn. We were taught the dibbling method in which holes in the ground were made with a makeshift dibbler, in our case, a pole that was sharpened in one end. We threw three to five corn seeds in the hole and covered them with soil. Months later, the corn grew much taller than us. We were able to harvest a full sack of corn. 

Removing kernel from the cob. Once the corn was mature and dry, we were taught how to manually remove kernels from the cob. It was quite painful for our tender hands but we managed with a few cobs until our thumbs became sore. Another technique was using a bolo or machete to chop the kernel from the cob. While this method was easier, we were discouraged because of the danger of using a bladed weapon and the damage this method does to the kernel. The corn kernel would no longer germinate because an important part of the seed is removed by this method.

Twenty years later, my mother told us that she was quite happy we learned the hard way hoping that we do not end up as arrogant landlords or hacienderos.

How to fish. At the back of our house is a pond an acre or two in size. Our father taught us to catch fish using a bamboo fishing rod, nylon thread and hook with worm as bait. Aside from fishing, the experience taught me how to keep very still. The slightest movement scared the fish away.

How to make coconut oil. What made this chore attractive was the smell of coconut permeating the air. Of course, we eagerly waited for the sweet, solid byproduct of coconut oil making called lintad, or latik in northern tribes. I was also curious because the oil was called lana tidtu which translates to 'true oil' or 'pure oil'. I theorize that this term cements the importance of coconut in Maguindanaon culture. It is the most natural source of oil. 

How to make rice flour the traditional way. This was taught to us by our maternal grandmother. The process began with soaking the rice in water. The water was drained after an hour. The next step was the pounding. There was a specific rhythm to the pounding by two or three people, otherwise my grandmother would say that the resulting flour would be inferior. When she got frustrated with her servants' impertinence, she would throw the rice on the ground for chicken and ducks to feast on. The flour was then sifted using a fine mesh or ayakan. Any rice particles that would not pass through the mesh were pounded again. The flour was placed on mats and dried under the sun. After which, the rice flour was stored in big containers and were used mainly to make the Maguindanaon delicacy tinadtag.

Setting a trap for wild birds and small mammals. In Paidu Pulangi, our uncles taught us how to set traps using what looked like an easy noose. The noose would tighten on an animal's foot while feeding on bait. 

I remembered discovering a wild duck (tanepol) that my uncle Diding caught in the marsh. He intended to make roasted duck for dinner, but when I told my paternal grandmother I wanted the duck as a pet, my uncle obliged. A year later, that duck became the source of my grandmothers's grief. When a clan feud or rido escalated in Paidu Pulangi that time, the residents evacuated the village as gunfighting ensued. My grandmother wanted to bring the duck to the city but in the haste, she had to leave my duck behind.

Identifying wild birds. During the weekend visits of my father (he was in working in the city some two hours away), he would bring us to lake and grassland of Paidu Pulangi for some bird watching. He would then tell us the names of birds and their distinguishing features. 

How to weave a mat. The Maguindanaon people have a rich weaving tradition involving textiles and mats. For the latter, the main component, pandanus leaves, were harvested and dried. They were made into strips and then rolled. Some of the leaves were dyed in bright yellow, magenta and green. It involved grana, a type of dye, that was purchased in Dulawan which was more accessible by boat from Paidu Pulangi compared to a jeepney ride to the poblacion in Pikit. With the colored leaves and the ones without a dye, the weaving of the mats commenced with intricate patterns. As beginners, we were taught how to make rice containers or leban which took us two days to make.

May 23, 2020


Qiyamah (The Reckoning) is my third film. It won best film in the Young Critics Circle of the Philippines Citation for Distinguished Achievement in Film, in 2013. The critic Tessa Maria Guazon wrote, "While Qiyamah partakes of the nothingness that shape apocalyptic films, it grounds it well within a local moral world; that of the small village, its council of men and the ties between women. It foregrounds tainted innocence as it tries to ferret out the workings of evil in a world which little by little has shrunk both in its physical realm and within the imagination of those who inhabit it. Qiyamah underscores the fickle nature of our individual desires and dreams, whose value and gravity becomes apparent only in context of relations with others."

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